Wrestle like a Puppy

This is Mr. Darcy.

I cannot tell you how much God has taught me through this little pup in the last year.

Today’s lesson is simple: whatever you are wrestling with, always remember who your master is. (view the video on my facebook page 🙂

This kid loves to wrestle with his bone, rope, frisbee, my hand, my husbands leg… whatever he can get his paws on.

This week I’ve been wrestling too. Struggling with purpose, identity, and my hearts desires; I feel I am wrestling with my self, my husband, my house, my God. I just can’t seem to pin anything down; my heart is in chaos.

Yesterday, I was feeling the bittersweet joy for one of my favorite babies receiving adoption from Door of Hope (the baby rescue house in South Africa where I served for a month). Missing this little boy, longing to adopt someone like him, the twinge of confusion over this new desire to be a mother–it just came at me so fast!

Wrestling with my identity and purpose, I turned to God for a half-a-second, finding a half-a-second moment of peace. I should have settled there, but I didn’t. Desperate to control something, I tore apart our spare room/office and started re-arranging furniture in the house. I was trying to create a sanctuary, a place of retreat and stillness. But my husband came home to as much chaos in the house as was in my heart.

I realized that wrestling for control is futile. Like Mr. Darcy, I don’t get to pin down my Master, or have my way in anything! And when I do (or think I do) it usually drives me away from the Lord.

My sanctuary isn’t found in a location, but rather in Christ. Sitting in the middle of the mess, I opened my Bible, metaphorically knelt at my Master’s feet, and was still. Like my pup, I loosened my jaws from the frisbee of my life, and just sat there with my heavenly Father.

God works in the middle of my messy heart, and messy house. He wrestles with me when I would rather hold on to my desires, but when I let go, he lets me chase them. I just sometimes forget to bring it back to my Master’s feet. God is so good, so kind, so willing to let me come to Him, even with a bad attitude. His love for me is boundless… even when I wrestle.

Want to go deeper? Read how Jacob wrestled with God.